


a dragonfly in amber

by onetether



Series: 911 Lonestar s2 codas [4]
Category: 9-1-1: Lone Star (TV 2020)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Canon Related, Carlos Reyes & OC, Carlos Reyes Character Study (9-1-1 Lone Star), Carlos Reyes Loves TK Strand, Character Study, Episode Fix-it, Episode: s02e04 Friends With Benefits, Established Carlos Reyes/TK Strand, M/M, Sad Carlos Reyes (9-1-1 Lone Star), Season/Series 02, he has two sisters okay, in my mind carlos is not an only child, no beta we die like TK's hope to be introduced to the parents, technically we have no confirmation he is
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-09
Updated: 2021-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-14 19:22:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,469
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29921658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/onetether/pseuds/onetether
Summary: Carlos was moving too slowly. Stuck, like a dragonfly in amber. He didn’t-couldn’t introduce TK to his parents as his boyfriend like TK wanted, but he couldn’t tell his parents that he even had a boyfriend like he wished―no―wanted to.
Relationships: Andrea Reyes & Carlos Reyes (9-1-1 Lone Star), Carlos Reyes & Gabriel Reyes (9-1-1 Lone Star), Carlos Reyes (9-1-1 Lone Star)/Original Male Character(s), Carlos Reyes/TK Strand
Series: 911 Lonestar s2 codas [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2169822
Comments: 8
Kudos: 110
Collections: 9-1-1 Tales





	a dragonfly in amber

**Author's Note:**

> A scene that mostly takes place in Carlos's mind, as the fallout from arguing with TK reminds him of his past. A deep dive into how being closet-shamed affected Carlos, and some amazing advice from a sister that Carlos definitely has.

I think about it

Can't think about it

Took a flight all the way home, yeah, ooh

No way around it

I still see you way up here, yeah

I'm stressed about it

Went west about it

Took a hammer to my phone, yeah, ooh

The way you run it

I still hear you crystal clear

IN A DREAM

____________

  
  


“I freed some more space in your closet, Carlos.” 

The door slammed shut behind TK, and Carlos was left staring blankly at his couch.

In his daze, Carlos went back out. Unloaded his car. Tried not to think of the argument he and TK just had. When he finished unloading his car, Carlos stood at the counter. Stared at the array of veggies and cheeses and a beautiful bunch of tulips TK had picked out. All pieces of his life today to make a feast for his boyfriend, because he loved TK and TK deserved it all. He deserved the home-cooked meals, a safe place, a boyfriend who could introduce TK to his family. 

But Carlos was moving too slowly. Stuck, like a dragonfly in amber. He didn’t-couldn’t introduce TK to his parents as his boyfriend like TK wanted, but he couldn’t tell his parents that he even had a boyfriend like _he_ wishes―no―wanted to. 

Oh, and how Carlos wanted to. In the moment, his natural instinct to ‘cover the gay’ as he had done his entire life had taken over, extending to the drive home, until the harsh reality set in. Now, staring at a once again clean apartment, void of TK’s scattered things, he wanted to call TK, try and explain why he couldn’t tell his parents about having a boyfriend. Tell TK about Friday dinners leading up to his 17th birthday where it all burst out. 

_Friday, Age 15_

His mom prepared a feast every Friday. There were all types of food: his mom’s famous Spicy chorizo enchiladas, tamales, and beers scattered around the table, everyone digging in with gusto. His family was chattering around him, joy filled their faces as raucous laughter bounced around the dining room. His sisters were bantering with his dad over which girl in his class he was going to date, which girlfriend would meet them. 

Carlos felt strangely disconnected from it all, as if he had been in the middle of a phone call and the other side hung up, leaving him confused, empty, and needing to complete a conversation. It was a feeling that Carlos came to know as heartbreak. Or what you feel when you realize that you kissed a boy, liked it, you’ve been keeping it a secret for years, and now your family is joking about a girlfriend. 

“Carlitos, why are you so silent today?” 

Carlos looked up from his plate. His mom was smiling at him, eyebrows raised.

 _I’m gay._

“I’m just thinking how Nina is planning my marriage when she hasn’t let you meet Adam yet,“ he said. 

Laughter rings around the table as his sister pokes him in the side. He joined them, smiling weakly as the conversation shifts to when Nina will finally bring Adam over to get a proper Reyes family introduction. 

_I kissed a boy under the bleachers today._

Nina and Ana joke about his friend, Anjali who came over yesterday so they could work on a project together. “You know she’s dating Roger, mi hermana?” he interjects Ana’s tirade of cross-culture weddings.

_I want to do it again._

“No way she’s dating your best friend and you never told us!” Ana exclaimed. 

Carlos shrugged noncommittedly and dug into the tamales. “Roger only told me two weeks ago.” 

The conversation started up again and flowed around him. The moment passed and was lost forever to the passage of time. Another year gone by with Carlos living a secret. 

Back then, Carlos never had the courage to speak up. To refuse his parent's heteronormative ideas and state his truth. Now, he was out of the closet, he could hold his boyfriend’s hand in public without an ounce of care until his parents showed up again. It was like he was back at that table, only now his parents ignored his truth instead of being ignorant of it. Which was worse? He really didn’t know. 

Thoughts were racing in Carlos’s head, and he didn’t know what his next step should be. Did TK just break up with him? Should he go after TK? Call him? Drive to his house? 

Carlos was floundering, he needed a way to organize his mind so he cleaned. He put away all the groceries, wiped the counter down. Then took a look around the apartment. Everything else was spotless now that TK’s stuff was gone. Carlos hated it. 

Knowing there would still be a mess on the second floor, he trudged up the stairs to his room and despite his somber mood his lips twitched at the unmade covers and scattered clothing. They really hadn’t thought of cleaning up this morning, back when Carlos had blissfully thought he could introduce TK to his parents on his own time.

Carlos finished making the bed and picked up a hoodie off the floor. It was definitely TK’s. He took a long shuddering breath, stumbling backwards until his back hit a wall. Carlos slid downl, burying his face in TK’s hoodie. It still smelled like his cologne that TK promised to return a week ago but was still holding residence at the Strand house. Bergamot, citrus, and a breath of fresh air. It smelled like TK, like him. No tears rolled down Carlos’s face, but the heartache he felt could almost surpass last year when TK had been unresponsive and in a hospital. He needed to fix this, but how?

Carlos’s nose brushed something cool and plastic, and as he pulled away from the hoodie he spotted it. A pin, secured to the hoodie, proudly displayed on the right chest area of the hoodie. It was a pride pin, a collectible from a festival TK had dragged Carlos to. Now, as Carlos drags a finger across it, the bitter taste of his words reach up his throat and wrap around his neck smothering him. 

_Friday, Age 16_

They were glaringly obvious, the two girls who were sitting at the picnic table, sharing a hot dog. They were laughing and swatting at each other and the brunette leaned over to kiss the blonde on the cheek. Carlos furtively glanced over at his dad as they walked past the bench. He hadn’t noticed. 

Gabriel signaled Ana and Carlos to go find a table, and headed off to the hot dog stand. While their dad waited for the hotdogs, Ana and him found a bench in the park and sat. They watched kids play, Carlos watched the couple in the corner of his eye, as a gentle breeze brushed past them. He felt calm. Just a normal day out with his family, and his dad hadn’t made any comment about the girls. Then Carlos wondered, what did Ana think? He looked over at her, who was sketching in her notebook that she carried everywhere. 

Suddenly, it seemed like the perfect moment to tell her. 

“Hey Ana?”

Not looking up from her sketch she replied, “Yeah.” 

“I’m gay.” 

Ana’s head whipped up to stare at him. Carlos nervously bit his lip, and smacked himself internally. He totally misjudged the situation, he should have kept the easy silence he should have kept quiet and―Ana was smiling. Carlos was definitely confused. He watched her set the notebook down. 

“What?” he said. 

Ana shook her head and shifted closer to bump his leg with hers. Then she reached up to smack his arm. 

“Hey!” He rubbed his arm, scowling as the grin on his sister's face cracked wider. “What was that for?”

“For being so nervous to tell me, I still love you and accept you, tonto.” 

The words choking him up for years seemed to filter out of him. 

He told her about _the_ kiss. Boys he’s had crushes over. His fear about telling Mom and Dad. 

“They’ll understand Carlos. I know they will, because they love you so much.” Ana stated.

“How do you know?” he asked her. 

“Because Carlos, you’re their son, not to mention their only one. They’ll understand because they have to.” 

Carlos chuckled at how simple she made it sound. Ana was never the best at reassurances, that was more Nina’s forte but the words still had Carlos smiling down at the ground. He looked back over to his sister, who had picked up her sketchbook and gone back to sketching. Her pencil swept across the page, no doubt creating something magnificent. 

Eyes still on the page, she whispered, “You better let me meet any future boyfriend, or I’ll kill you.”

Carlos jostled her shoulder. “Yeah, yeah, love you too.” 

Carlos picked up his phone and opened his last chat with Ana. He had been telling her about TK, trying to plan a day when she could come back to Texas and meet up. 

He writes out a text and hits send. 

[Carlos]: Hey. 

He gets a reply a minute later. 

[Ana]: Hey? You ghosted me for a whole day after I said I’m coming back next week. If you don’t want me to meet TK yet, I won’t drop by Carlos. Take your time. 

[Carlos]: No, it’s not that. I just caught a really long shift and today’s finally my day off. 

[Ana]: So….next week? Dinner at Mama’s and then we could go out with TK. 

[Carlos]: About that, Ana I saw Mami and Dad at the farmer’s market today. 

[Ana]: Yeah, they told me that they started going to that, they want to get out more or something. Why?

[Carlos]: I was there. 

[Ana]: And?

[Carlos]: With TK. 

[Ana]: Shit, please don’t tell me you introduced him as your friend. 

Carlos groaned out loud. If his sister had predicted that, he definitely screwed up. Royally. 

[Carlos]: Ding, ding, ding! 

[Ana]: Carlos! Did you apologize and talk to him? Explain why you can’t just jump Mom and Dad. 

[Carlos]: No, he kind of stormed out. And we might have broken up? Still unclear on that though. 

[Ana]: Carlos Reyes, you need to talk to TK tomorrow and figure this out because from the way you talk about him, I can tell you’re in love. Don’t break your own heart by letting him go. 

[Carlos]: When did you get so wise Miss I’m-going-to-travel-bye-for-five-years? 

[Ana]: It’s called acquiring worldly wisdom my dear Carlitos. 

[Carlos]: Don’t call me that. 

[Ana]: Adios lover boy, go get your man! 

If Carlos rolled his eyes any harder, they would fall out of head. Ana was right though. He loved TK, and he owed it to himself and TK to explain why he couldn’t just blurt out that he had a boyfriend. 

How he was going to explain was still a mystery. 

In a daze he made dinner, going for simple veggie wraps and lemonade. With TK being vegan and Carlos being a health nut, meat wraps were a thing of the past now. 

_Friday, Age 17_

Carlos just turned 17. Everyone had been invited to their house for dinner. Friends, family, cousins he didn’t even remember showed up. Why? Carlos honestly had no idea. Anjali and Roger had come too, receiving a vigorous teasing from Nina. 

Up until this point, the night was a success. Everyone that Carlos loved, was there with him. Now, he sat at the dining table while Mom washed the dishes and Dad wiped the table down. Carlos looked between them, and then around at the remains of the night. Streamers, spilled beer, games half-played. The backyard pool and yard would be in the same disarray, and tomorrow he and Ana would clean up while Nina excused herself on account of no longer living with them. Then Mami would barge in and force her, and they’d all laugh at her grumbling. 

If Carlos never said his truth, he could probably predict the rest of his life right now. The long unhappy one where he married a woman, had kids, did all the straight dude stuff. However, when he dug into his jean pocket and a keychain fell out, Carlos felt it come back. The words that had their hands wrapped around his throat for years. The noose that had loosened last year when he told Ana, but now tightened as he turned over the little plane keychain in his palm. 

A birthday gift, from the one person Carlos couldn’t invite to this party. The nagging thought that Carlos tried to ignore the entire night. 

His parents had finished cleaning the kitchen now. When he looked up, his dad sat across from him, reading a card left by an uncle or another. His mom was seated beside his father, eyebrows raised at--

“What are you smiling at mi hijo?” 

His dad looked up, glancing at Andrea and then at Carlos. 

Carlos gulped nervously. “Just this keychain a friend got me.” 

His dad cracked a smile and said, “A special friend?”

“Sort of.” 

The noose was too tight, the words were cutting off his air supply, and it was all Carlos could do to let them claw their way out. 

“I’m gay,” he said. 

Carlos didn’t dare let his eyes wander. He stared straight into his father’s eyes, hoping he’d understand. Then he let his gaze flick toward his mom. They both looked shocked, eyebrows raised, mouths slightly parted. Then, his parents looked at each other, and then back to him. His mom reached over and grasped Carlos’s hand in hers. 

His heart lightened as a small smile graced her face. 

“Nothing has to change Carlitos, your father and I still love you. For who you are.”

Carlos of 17 went to bed happy that night, not truly understanding that something should have changed. What he had said should have caused a wave, should have changed the question “Do you have a girlfriend?” to “Do you have a boyfriend?” but instead the questions stopped coming. 

_  
  
  
_

Carlos hadn’t realized the profound effect that statement would have on any future relationships till now. Sure, he had dated guys that he liked, even loved, before. But none of them were TK. He had never wanted to introduce any of them to his parents. With TK, he did. 

In the morning, he sat on the couch and made a decision. He wasn’t going to let go so easily. Carlos had only made one wave, his entire life. The rest have been ripples. 

_Well._ _Time to make waves._

Suddenly, there are two raps at the door, and Carlos couldn’t help smirking. He took one, long breath, and then pried open the door. 

“Can we talk?” 

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and kudos are appreciated <3
> 
> Find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/onetether)


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